


Wearing Our Sob Stories

by orphan_account



Category: Smash (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ex Boyfriends-Ish, I Don't Even Know, It's Sexual Tension, M/M, Revive This Fandom, That's Why They Hate Each Other, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 01:40:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13447809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	Wearing Our Sob Stories

In spite of himself, Tom goes to the opening of Hit List when they open on Broadway. He doesn't want to, exactly, and he has plenty of work to do on his own show, but it's Kyle that asks him. Kyle, who is recently unhospitalized, and who, in spite of their "break up", Tom can't seem to say no to. And it's not only Kyle, though, but also Julia and Sam, who he cares about, and he wants to support them. 

It's good. Tom can't not admit how good Hit List actually is, and how much competition that Bombshell now has. He's nervous, of course, because Jimmy is a phenomenal composer, and Kyle's story is great, and the cast is brilliant. But in spite of that, he's happy to see his friends' work come to life, and to know that they're succeeding.

He wants to find Kyle after, to congratulate him, and maybe offer him a drink, no matter how that's gone for them in the past. Maybe he wouldn't actually mind getting a drink with Kyle afterwards, and seeing where that leads, no matter what the drama of all that could be. But when he finally finds Kyle, the writer is surrounded by people, and Jimmy's right by his side with an arm around his waist. And it could just be that Jimmy's helping him stay steady, because Kyle's leg is in a thick cast, but Tom knows that that's not it.

He shakes his head. Jimmy's poison, and Kyle's better than that, but maybe it's not too late for Jimmy to change. Maybe it's not too late for them both to figure out how to be a couple. Tom smiles faintly, fondly. At least they both look happy. Maybe that's all that matters.

Tom waves to Kyle when he catches his eye, and then he leaves to go find Julia and congratulate her for being a part of this. It may not have Julia's name on it, but he knows that she helped, and he knows how much Kyle appreciated that help-- and Jimmy, too, even if he's unwilling to admit that they had as much help as they did. But who he finds is not Julia, but Derek.

Derek is sitting at a table in one of the back rooms of the theater, the Hit List script opened in front of him, a glass of bourbon on the table, and a tired expression on his face. Tom leans in the doorway and watches him in silence for a moment before he finally speaks up.

"You're as bad as me when it comes to overworking a show," he says, and he thinks it's the first time in recent memory that he's tried to start any sort of civil conversation with Derek Wills without there being any ulterior motive.

Derek glances up and runs a hand over his face. "The cast is good and the boys put together a good show, but there's always something to work on." He waves a hand dismissively, taking a sip from the bourbon. "You're a director now, you know how it is. Kyle asked you to come, then?"

"Yes, he did," Tom answers, leaning in the doorway and crossing his arms over his chest. "Go ahead and ask, I know you want to."

"Right, well. What did you think of the show?" Derek asks, leaning back in his seat. He's trying to look like he doesn't care, but the fact that he asked is enough to tell Tom that he actually does. 

"It's good," Tom admits. "Jimmy's one of the best composers I've seen in a long time." And he has to sigh, because that list of composers includes him, and he knows who's better. "And there's an equally talented book writer working with him, fronted by Broadway's most infamously talented director. It's a formula for success."

Derek raises an eyebrow at the backhanded compliment and then nods, exhaling a short laugh. "That was almost a compliment, I'm impressed. We'll see where it goes when the writer and composer implode upon discovery that this relationship of theirs isn't going to work. Jimmy's toxic and Kyle's naive."

"Sounds familiar," Tom mutters, and Derek's eyebrows raise, but he doesn't rise to that, and Tom's glad. "But it's not too late for Jimmy to change. You have," he points out as an afterthought, and Derek scoffs.

"Ah, well, you still hate me."

"No, I don't," Tom protests, and he takes the glass of bourbon still sitting on the table, downing what's left of it. "I never hated you, I was angry and upset and hurt. But that was eleven years ago, and you've changed. At least a little. And clearly, you don't think what you thought before if you were willing to work with me again, even if you're an ass about it every time I see you. Plus, I owe you. I'm where I am now because of you."

"We were friends," Derek replies as Tom sits on the edge of the table with his arms crossed. 

"We were more than that."

There's silence in the room between them for a few long, painful moments. He wonders if Derek will admit that it was there, because it was. They slept together, and there was a time when Tom was pretty sure he was in love with Derek. But Derek had always been toxic, and it had imploded, and Tom had left. Hadn't looked back.

"It was eleven years ago," Derek repeats. "And I haven't changed that much. Still not the Prince Charming you wanted me to be back then. Never will be." He begins to open the Hit List script again, an indication that he's trying to seem unfeeling about it. Tom's not buying that. Tom reaches past him to press the script closed again, which prompts Derek to actually look at him. "What?"

"Oh please," Tom scoffs, drumming his fingers against the wood of the table. "I was never so naive as to think you would give me a fairy tale happy ending. I knew what you were, and I know what it was."

"So why'd you do it?"

Tom stands up and shakes his head. "That's a murky area. I don't want to talk about that."

"You brought it up."

Tom doesn't want to talk about it. About why he did it. About the fact that he hasn't had an actual relationship that he hasn't tried to sabatoge intentionally since then. He isn't proud of it. But he's over Derek. He thinks. "Where's Julia?" he asks instead.

"That's not an answer."

"Why do you want to know?"

Derek tilts his head, frowning. "I believe I asked you first."

"Are you five?" Tom demands, rolling his eyes. "Clearly you haven't changed as much as I thought you had, because you're still childish, cruel, and vindictive." He turns to walk out, because he always should have known that this was a bad idea, and there's never going to be anything civil between himself and Derek Wills. But Derek speaks, and he stops.

"Honestly, Tom, grow up. It was a simple question with a simple answer, and you're the one that has to turn it into you playing a victim like I'm trying to attack you. Logic of the victim, as it were, which you seem hellbent on playing even when you have the world on a string."

"Fine," Tom snaps, turning back around. He's never had good judgement when it comes to Derek, and it seems that this fight is going to happen whether or not he wants it to. "You want to know why I slept with you even when I knew what you were? Because I loved you. But I did know what you were, so I got out before your self-destruction destroyed me, too. But here we are all over again, and you're still toxic and vindictive, and nothing's changed."

"Nothing," Derek repeats with a raise of one eyebrow.

"That's not what I meant."

"Isn't it?" Derek asks, and then he's standing up and stepping closer to Tom, who steps back automatically, and is met with a wall behind his back. Derek does things to Tom's sanity and self-control, and usually, those lapses in judgement portray themselves as saying and doing cruel things, but he's not sure that that's what's going to happen right now. He doesn't know what he's feeling.

"What? Do you want me to say that I'm still the dazed schoolboy who wanted you to fall in love with me?" Tom sneers, crossing his arms over his chest like a shield over his chest. "Because I'm not. And I don't."

"Is that ever what you were, Tom?" Derek scoffs. "I always thought you were more realistic than that."

"Don't patronize me," Tom hisses, and he wishes he could just leave, but he seems to be trapped between Derek and the wall. This was a bad idea. Derek hasn't changed, nothing has really changed, except that he's not in love with Derek anymore. That has changed. He thinks. He hopes. 

They're very close all of the sudden, and he can't read Derek's expression. Derek's unfeeling and cold as always, like a fucking robot. He hopes Derek just punches him, because he's been begging for a reason to beat Derek's ass for years, and all he needs is a reason to finally do that.

But Derek doesn't punch him. Ultimately, what happens is worse, in Tom's opinion. Because before he can react, they're kissing.

And Tom just... lets it happen. His brain seems to short-circuit and stop working at the touch of lips, at the lingering bourbon and the scent of whatever cologne it is that Derek wears. He could push Derek away; no matter what Derek says, they both know that Tom is stronger than he is. But he can't think enough to make his arms move. He can't think of why he was supposed to stop this.

And he certainly can't think of why he wants to convince himself that he's not still as in love with Derek as he knows he is. He is.

He doesn't remember that he's not supposed to want this until he hears Julia speak, "Um, am I interrupting something?" 

And Tom is pushing away, putting some distance between himself and Derek and trying to clear his head. He can't meet Derek's eyes, because he doesn't know what he's feeling or what he's even thinking at this point. "No," he tells Julia after a second. "No, you're not. This is nothing."

And then he's out of the room and out of the theater, and he's not sure where he's going, but he knows one thing. Working with Derek Wills again was a terrible idea, and he was better off before they were back in each others' lives.


End file.
